Memento Mori

Last night Daigoro broke down in tears at the thought of his own death.

Marli was explaining how all things die - we're both big believers in showing our children that death is a part of life. Suddenly Daigoro started sobbing and announced,

"But I don't want to die. If I am dead I cannot play with my toys. I don't want to die."

Apparently this went on for several minutes, despite Marli's excellent and patient efforts to console him.

He seemed to be recovered by the time the three of them came back from the park.
I have to say that I was a bit taken aback by the daunting nature of explaining mortality on a personal level to a pre-schooler. I mean, it's all well and good when you're talking about ants and dead birds and squirrels, but when a three and a half-year-old is trying to face up to the core truth of humanity, it's a little different.

I often find myself considering the apparent finality of death, trying to reconcile it with my own religious beliefs. I try to tell myself I would face death with a brave heart and a peaceful soul. I think, now that I have children, the hardest thing for me to face would be the thought of them having to go on without me. Now, I also sometimes think of how I would deal with the death of one of my children.

Once, before Kenshin was born and Daigoro was younger I had a dream in which Daigoro somehow managed to open the door of an airliner we were flying in and fall out (realistically impossible, of course) and I was framed in the doorway, watching him fall away. I was so incredibly torn up emotionally by this feeling of helplessness and loss - when I woke it was all I could do to stop myself from weeping.

It's said that no parent should live to bury their children - yet it happens all the time. To be reminded of this by the fear of your own children was a new and sobering experience.