Standing at the Threshold

I have a personal fascination with human memory. One of the aspects of memory which I always find interesting is the capacity for human beings to forget how painful or difficult a particular episode or period was. Which is not to say all memory of the incident or time is completely forgotten, but you never recall fully how painful something is after the fact. For example, I remember that the pain of breaking my collar bone in a biking accident when I was 24 was quite intense, but when I remember the incident, no matter how hard I try, I can't evoke the sensation of pain exactly.

This is a very "good and sensible" thing, if you think about it - people would be collapsing in pain every time they thought of a previous injury. Similarly, women might really think twice about having children a second time around. Perhaps you have injured yourself a second time after receiving a painful injury previously and thought to yourself "oh yeah, that's how that felt." Now imagine that with the pain of childbirth. Nostalgia is a useful (and sometimes dangerous) thing.

Quite aside from physical pain, there is the difficulty of mental or physical stress; which brings me to the main thrust of this post - we're expecting our second child any day now. We're about to go through the whole rigamarole of sleep deprivation, which I touched on in a previous post, all over again. This time, we'll have the added challenge of a toddler.

One co-worker has commented to me that marriage is a change in your life, but relative to having your first child, it is quite minor. He then went on to compare the jump from one child to two as being a seismic shift similar in magnitude.

So here I stand on the threshold of another portal, looking back at the path that has lead me here, and peeking through to the paths beyond. I feel both elated at the ground we have covered so far, and daunted by the unknown terrain ahead.

Daigoro is steadily improving his vocabulary. Every day he seems to be able to apply the correct new word to an object or action. Marli and I find ourselves increasingly unsure if his new discovery is as a result of one of us specifically teaching him or Daigoro just picking the word up on his own. He is growing emotionally as well. This morning I watched with fondness as he lay down beside our cat and stroked it gently. He seemed pleased to be able to interact and be gentle with the cat, to which the cat responded with a few licks and purring. When the cat became a little impatient with Daigoro's attentions, he gave Daigoro a gentle bite, which cat owners will recognize as being playful as well as cautionary in different situations. Instead of reacting fearfully, Daigoro withdrew his hand and said, "kitty, no biting," not angrily, but as a loving parent might chide a wayward child.

Similarly, Daigoro has in weeks past displayed touching moments of empathy; pulling a blanket over a stuffed bear for warmth, wanting to help put a diaper on a baby doll. He almost always reacts positively to images of babies, smiling and pointing with delight. While I'm sure that his reactions will change as a new baby begins to live with us 24/7, I'm also satisfied that he's emotionally well-adjusted enough at the moment that he should be able to adapt well.

We're heading into Easter weekend, a celebration of a great transformation - an unimaginable leap from one state of being to another. A very appropriate time for a second child to be born.