Kenshin's Particular Flavour of Autism

I remarked in previous posts that Kenshin doesn't display many of the typical traits associated with autism. I thought I should write down for the record what features of autism that Kenshin presents "typically" and which are "atypical" - at least at his current age.

For convenience, I'll just follow along with the wikipedia article on Autism using the characteristics it describes. I'll then compare his "flavour" of autism with the new redefinition of Autistic Disorder.

His speech was delayed and he had only begun rudimentary speech at 18 months. Kenshin began to exhibit signs of noticeable developmental delay at age two. Walking was somewhat delayed, but within "norms" for boys.

Social Development

Aside from speech delays, we noticed that Kenshin did not typically register social greetings (hello, goodbye, how are you) and would not generally wave. He would only infrequently make eye contact. This is apparently typical for many autistic children. Although he went through a period of "screaming", this was not typically a tantrum in the commonly understood sense - in that he was reacting to not getting something he wanted, but he would scream when something he didn't like (certain foods, foods with sauce on them) was placed too close. Asking for things and looking someone in the eye while doing so is difficult for him. He will generally take an object if available without asking. This is problematic when trying to play with other children.

He was (and is) generally a "fearless" kid - he doesn't seem to mind wandering off from us (the parents) or other caregivers - he exhibits less need for attachment than peers his age.

Turn taking is also a problem, though he is slowly learning how that works through repetition and reinforcement.

He does not appear to be lonely; generally he seems quite happy to play independently, but I have noticed a preference to play in the vicinity of other children or adults. He will come into the room, situate himself within 1.5-3 metres, and then play on his own. If you move, he will tend to move to maintain that distance - close enough to be aware of your presence, but far enough not to be playing together. He will ask us as parents to accompany him to a different room while he plays, not necessarily to play with him, although he will now phrase it as "playing with me".

As he has grown, he has begun to seek out more interaction with other children, often by "clowning" or chasing. Interactive play is possible but usually only with prompting. He is beginning to interact more spontaneously with playmates, but progress is slow.

He is generally not aggressive at all; in fact I would characterize him as being a pretty peaceful child with a fairly even temper.

All of these aspects of social behaviour are fairly typical for autistic children of Kenshin's age.

Communications

As mentioned above, Kenshin was delayed in developing speech, and is probably currently speaking at a 2.5 to 3 year-old level (he is currently four and a half). As noted on this blog, development was very slow, with occasional bursts of advancement. We have noticed he has particular difficulty processing questions like "Why are you sad?" or "Why did you take that?" and also reverses pronouns (yours/mine, me/you), especially in questions or situations which deal with concepts of self. Joint attention is problematic, but not as much as it seems to be with some children, and inability to point or misunderstanding pointing is not as pronounced as would seem to be typical with other autistic children; he will generally understand what you mean when you point to something, though he will seldom indicate things by pointing himself.

I have noticed that he will repeat others' words or his own words in situations where he doesn't seem to understand what is being asked of him. This echolalia is most easily replicated by asking him a complicated "why" question; for example, "Why did you throw the jar of jam down the stairs?" - he will say in answer: "I throw the jar of jam down the stairs." On other occasions, he seems to be repeating words quietly to himself (sotto voce) for the pleasure of hearing the words again, or to reinforce something he has heard - not in response to a question or a situation, but because he wants to say the words to himself.

For example: He will be sitting in bed, quietly, and he will say, apropos of nothing, "Rainbow fish gives his tail," very quietly to himself. A few minutes later he will say the same thing. Marli and I jokingly refer to this as the "creepy movie kid voice". Fortunately he doesn't say things like, "When Mars is ascendant in the house of Ares, my unholy father will come to destroy the world," or else it would be a little too creepy.

In most respects his communications are typical for an autistic child, with the exceptions as noted above.

Behaviour

If there is one category that I would say Kenshin is most atypical for an autistic child, it is behaviour.

He does not engage in stereotypy - repetitive movement "such as hand flapping, making sounds, head rolling, or body rocking." There are one or two hand configurations, flexing his index finger underneath the tip of his middle finger and splaying out the little finger - looking a little like a an Buddhist mudra, which I have seem him do when he is somewhat anxious about something or wants something.

There is little compulsive behaviour - he does not line things up in a specific pattern, or stack things or make sure things are done in a specific order. Our developmental specialist did note that there is an aspect of clinical "compulsion" to his behaviour, but it is atypical in its manifestation.

He does not require sameness - we can switch up his daily routine or the positions of objects in the house with zero complaint from him. He does tend to resist being interrupted at times, but only slightly more so than I would expect from a neurotypical child.

I have only observed a few rituals - when I drop him off in the morning, after he takes off his coat and boots, he will invariably say "hug" (give me a hug) then say, "then a kiss," (and give me a kiss) and then say, "aaaand done," then walking determinedly (and without looking back) to join his peer group. However if we cannot perform this ritual or it is interrupted, it does not seem to phase him. I haven't seen many other rituals - perhaps Marli will chime in with some.

Restricted behaviour he has in spades. He only wants to play on the iPad or one of our game systems (PS3 or Gamecube), or on the computer. He will ask for it repeatedly, from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed. We allow him approximately 30 minutes per day. He would play all day, given the chance. This is one of the more worrisome (and stressful), not to mention socially embarassing behaviours he exhibits. It gives us the appearance of absentee parents, content to let him know nothing other than video games.

He does not self-injure to any extreme degree, though I have seen him bonk his head on walls as a joke for his brother or to act the clown.

Other Symptoms

Kenshin is sensitive to bright light or loud sounds, but actually doesn't mind bright light once established (in fact, he will sometimes become agitated if we turn off a light in a brightly lit room when there are two light sources on). Sudden loud noises seem to startle him, and he will turn down a TV if he finds it too loud. We have had his hearing tested and he is well within norms (in some frequencies, better than normal) for his age group.

He used to show poor coordination and muscle tone, but as he plays more often in parks and runs, this awkwardness is less pronounced. He's actually quite nimble on monkey bars and climbing equipment, and aided by his obliviousness to injury or danger, he seems quite proficient where some neurotypical children would balk or otherwise perform poorly.

Kenshin dislikes certain sauces, mixtures and presentations of foods. For example he will not eat hamburgers or hotdogs with anything on them - even the slightest appearance of ketchup or mustard will elicit complaint or, if there is a lot of sauce, tears. He seems to love Kraft dinner macaroni and cheese, which has a sauce component which doesn't bother him, but he balks at homemade macaroni and cheese, which is apparently "too saucy". Curiously, he is fine with pasta and meat sauce/ragus, despite its saucy nature. If he sees Daigoro with a burger or hotdog with sauce, he will immediately say "I don't want sauce on mine."

He used to be dead-set against vegetables, but he is much more accepting now. He loves rice (he will wolf it down) and most meat.

A common complaint, when he doesn't like the food, is "I want plain food." Marli and I believe this is a reaction to flavours and textures which may be too intense for him. Strangely he seems more tolerant of "spice" - spciy hot - than other kids. I've seen him eat some spicy chips and other salty snacks which I would have assumed would send him screaming for water, but he simply sits and munches away happily. I don't know how to reconcile this with his sensitity to other common spices like basil or oregano. For example, he recently ate a number of cinnamon hearts happily, while his brother was fanning his mouth and asking for water after eating two.

We have progressed to the point where he can eat a relatively nutritious meal, though I would still prefer more variety and less salty, pre-prepared foods.

He definitely has no appetite problems - presented with food he likes, he will eat voraciously. I am not aware of gastrointestinal issues.

Amusingly/ironically Kenshin never really ran around on his toes (apparently one common indicator), but Daigoro did.

Some children with autism have sensitivity in varying degrees to being touched. To my everlasting relief, Kenshin is a huggy, touchy-feely kid who doesn't mind being touched or hugged.

The proposed new AMA definition of Autistic Disorder:

Autistic Disorder

A. A total of six (or more) items from (1). (2), and (3). with at least two from (1) and one each from (2) and (3):

(1) qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

a) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression. body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

b) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

c) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g. by a lack of showing, bringing or pointing out objects of interest)

d) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

(2) qualitative impairments in communication as manifested by at least one of the following

a) delay in, or total lack of, the development of spoken language (not accompanied by an attempt to compensate through alternative modes of communication such as gesture or mime)

b) in individuals with adequate speech, marked impairment in the ability to initiate or sustain a conversation with others

c) stereotyped and repetitive use of language or idiosyncratic language.

d) lack of varied, spontaneous make-believe play or social interactive play

(3) Restrictive repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities as manifested by at least one of the following:

a) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped andrestricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus

b) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals

c) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g. hand or finger flapping or twisting or complex whole body movements)

d) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects

B. Delays or abnormal functioning in at least one ofthe following areas. with onset prior to three years (1) social interaction, (2) language as used in social communication, or (3) symbolic or imaginative play.

C. The disturbance is not better accounted for by Rett's Disorder or Childhood Disintegrative Disorder.

So, in looking at these in order:

Section A:
1 a) applies
1 b) applies
1 c) partially applies
1 d) applies

2 a) applies
2 b) applies
2 c) applies to some extent
2 d) applies

3 a) applies
3 b) does not apply
3 c) does not apply
3 d) does not apply

Section B:
All three categories apply.

Section C:
Rett's Disorder or Childhood Disintegrative Disorder does not seem to account for the disturbance.

So, even by the new AMA definition, Kenshin could be classified as having austistic disorder.

The Cheese of All Walking

I haven’t posted anything for a while because, to be honest, for a long time I’ve been depressed at the prospect of another glowing report about Daigoro’s progress and yet another month of little to no (perceivable to the casual observer) progress for Kenshin. That sounds overly harsh - I should clarify:

We started having serious concerns about Kenshin’s mental and social development in mid to late 2010. Marli had issues earlier far than that – but I had thought it was just a small delay, well within norms for children and not something we should be overly concerned about. We had suspected something since Spring 2009 or so, but we couldn’t put a finger on it.

Back in Spring of last year (March 2011, as documented), we took him to a paediatrician, who in turn recommended speech therapy and additional testing for autism. We were referred to another specialist in childhood development, who ran Kenshin through a series of tests through the Summer and into Fall and confirmed what Marli had suspected – Kenshin is autistic.

Not Asperger’s Sydrome (apparently now dropped from official medical usage), not “mild” Autism or having an Autism Spectrum Disorder – full, “moderate-level”, “mid-range” autism.

It was a lot to deal with. As I joked to my sister at the time, I had no idea where I was on the Kübler-Ross model of grief. It was (still is!) sort of a roller-coaster ride. Wheee... denial... whoa... acceptance? No.... bargaining! Ooooo... here we come... DEPRESSION!

I’m wondering if I’m thinking I’ve run through it quickly and am already at acceptance, or what I think is acceptance is just an elaborate form of denial.

I know the stages don’t have to be sequential, or indeed, the “Five Stages” may not even be the best conceptualization of the grieving process for everyone. I think right now I’m mostly angry, angry that this has to happen to me, and angry that I’m selfish to think mostly of the effects that it has on me, rather than Marli or the most important person being affected, Kenshin.

Marli and I had a very earnest discussion in September and I tried to be as honest as possible about how I felt, and I was surprised at how selfish I sounded, and said so at the time.

I guess one of my innermost personal failings is sometimes I have a overblown sense of what I think I deserve, and I keep thinking, “Why is this happening to me? I don’t deserve this - I deserve better!” Then I feel guilty about it. Ah, the existentialist post-modern conundrum.

So, internally, I’m mostly shouting “why me?” to myself, and then getting angry about not being concerned enough about the people around me. Then I realize there’s not much to be done about it except to just carry on carrying on and help out Kenshin as much as we can. My family was and is being being very supportive and it’s still early, of course.

Fortunately, we’d been suspecting this for well over a year now before we got the official diagnosis, and wasn’t not as much of a shock as if we had been told of something unexpected, but it’s still a punch in the gut, no matter how much you’re prepared for the blow.

Marli and I share a sort of gallows-humour about a lot of things, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I seem flippant at times. At times I’ve thought to myself, “well, at least it isn’t some terminal illness, like untreatable leukemia, or Tay-Sachs... but at the same time, you don’t have to live with and support a person with a terminal illness for 30, 40, 50 years.” Yes, Kenshin may turn out to be high-functioning enough to live on his own, but he may not, we don’t know.

Marli said at the time, “Well, it could be worse, he could have Tay-Sachs or he could be profoundly autistic. We should be thankful.”

I responded, “Yeah, but that’s like saying, ‘You’ve only gotten a $100 fine. It could have been $2000.’... That may be true, but it’s still a fine.”

I actually have a friend who has an autistic son who went from mid-spectrum in toddler years to high functioning in his pre-teens (he’s 10 now) and we got together to compare experiences and for me to take notes on his approach. He has the advantage of being quite well-off, financially, so it’s a little different for him (he had multi-hour private therapy lessons for his son five days a week, I believe), but I guess I can’t complain when Marli and my combined income is relatively high compared to the “average”.

During this time I couldn’t decide about what to document – this blog had begun as a tool to help me keep track of milestones and moments that otherwise might have passed, forgotten – but now it was becoming a painful reminder of how difficult progress was for Kenshin and how well Daigoro was doing as a normal (dare I say “gifted”?) child. This sounds horrible, but I felt terrible about the apparent favouritism a blog like this would seem to project, “Hey, Daigoro is drawing entire comic books! Oh, and Kenshin has mostly recovered from his relapse with potty training accidents.”

Does that make me a terrible human being? Do I lose my “parent of an autistic child” card now?

This, combined with the extra effort to help teach and entertain Kenshin, had put me into a pretty bad mental state for a long time - probably too long. I let things slide which shouldn’t have slid. I started feeling sorry for myself far too often, which I have done before from time to time, but it was seriously dragging me down. I tried to keep a stiff upper lip, but it was hard. Really hard. Marli suffered as well, perhaps more so, for a variety of reasons.

Anyhow, the long and short of it is sometimes I feel like I’m handling it well, and sometimes I think I’m just bottling it up and at some point the facade’s just going to come crashing down.

Things have slowly started to get better. We enrolled Kenshin in speech therapy shortly after the last blog entry. After six weeks he had made decent progress, learning more social cues and turn taking. More testing followed, at which time the confirmation of his autism was made. A flurry of paperwork and phone calls (mostly handled by Marli) later and Kenshin was on the waiting list for a number of programs, including the local respite services and Applied Behavioural Analysis (ABA) therapy sessions, and we also started to coordinate with his school for special programs available through the school. That’s still in progress.

He started a second round of speech therapy, once again concentrating more on the social/behavioural aspect of speech as opposed to the mechanics of it. His teacher, “S.D.”, was very pleased with his overall progress from the first session to the last, commenting on improved eye contact, initiating contact without prompting and generally understanding the order of events in a social gathering and turn taking.

He finished that last week.

His ABA therapy has been in progress for three weeks (he had to miss a session this past Saturday) and results aren’t yet readily apparent, but it’s good to see from his progress records what goals they are working to and what he’s able to do.

There’s a lot he can do, perhaps better than the “typical” autistic person his age (if such an thing exists), but also a lot he can’t. I’ll try to come up with a short list with Marli’s help.

He’s bright. He can puzzle his way through iPad games with frightening speed and seems to grasp some things quite intuitively, especially how to get at things he wants. You can see the cogs and wheels turning in there – he’s pondering something much of the time.

He’s funny. He laughs frequently (very much not typical for autistic kids) and he has a mischievous grin that is utterly disarming and cute. He says (seemingly) random things, like, when the family is cuddling in the queen bed, calling himself “the cheese of all walking”, Daigoro the “sausage of all skipping”, Marli the “noodle of all hugging” and me the “meat of all looking”.

Or, as we were on our way to Walmart, he said, spontaneously “Walmart and Grommit”!

This past Sunday I took both the boys to a park to go tobogganing. They laughed and ran and sledded and smashed into each other and behaved just like I’d expect a four and six year old to behave. They were having a grand old time. For a moment - just a moment - I forgot that Kenshin is autistic and I just revelled in their happiness and my own happiness about their happiness.

Wiser, more experienced parents of autistic kids would probably say, “That’s exactly the way it should be. Why would you think otherwise?” You should never think your son or daughter as “damaged” or any less worthy of your love because they have a disability; of course not. But is it not human to want to have a “normal” child? Yes, I know people with disabilities hate the “normal” word. I’m going to go ahead and be politically incorrect here. I didn’t want this, I didn’t ask for this. Kenshin, if you’re reading this at some later date, forgive me: I want you to be normal.

As I watched them, my smile faded, and I remembered that I would have to make sure Kenshin went to the bathroom before we left because he wouldn’t think to ask for himself... and that I was going to have to plan for some extra time at the coin-op car wash that I’d promised to take them to because he often doesn’t understand consequences so I’d have to be extra careful about letting him use the spray hose... and I couldn’t just hand him a juice box when we got back to the car because he might oversqueeze it and spray it all over his seat because he thought it was funny... and to make sure he didn’t chew the straw into a pancake of plastic because of his need for oral stimulation... and... and...

A dozen worrisome things popped into my head, swirled around and pushed that shining moment of bliss into the back of my mind. Clouded by shadows of doubt and worry, I lost it.

But I’ve grabbed it again and I’ve written it down here. It was joyous and momentary and all the things that are good and true in life, and it didn’t matter if Kenshin was autistic or not, because I love him so much. I will remember that hill and that moment in all the dark days yet to come.

I'm feeling better now - the therapy and group sessions are ongoing and seem to show promise. Kenshin continues to improve day by day, in tiny, almost imperceptible ways, but over time they add up to progress. I'll try to do my best to observe the little things which might be big steps for him.

I've gotten my head out of the bad space it was in and now I'm trying to push forward with a more optimistic view. He is the cheese of all walking, after all, and it takes a while for the cheese to pick up speed. In the meantime, I'm the meat of all looking.

Whatever that means.

Ts-icken Little

After months of glacial progress, Kenshin has suddenly started leaping forward in vocabulary.

Added recently:

"I would like..."

"...milk."

"...water."

"...noodles." (President's Choice White Cheddar Macaroni seems to be his favourite meal at the moment. That kid can pack the stuff away like there's no tomorrow.

"Don't want." (pretty much the answer to anything that isn't meat of some kind or PC white cheddar macaroni)

He's learned his colours and the first five numbers with a great deal of help from nightly sessions with Fisher-Price board books. His pronunciation of the word "pink" is darling.

He also likes to watch the small chickens in the child-friendly faming-based video game "Harvest Moon" and say "chicken in" or "chicken out" (of the henhouse). Only when he says it, it comes out "ts-icken in" "ts-icken owwt".

Daigoro began half-days of kindergarten, although as mentioned below, it wasn't really the same jarring transition it might have been, since he was already spending part of the day with the kindergarten class in his daycare class. He continues to be a gentle, loving and very considerate young boy, if a little spazzy at times. He surprised me the other day with a question about stars and falling stars, asking if the far away stars are suns, and if they are suns, how could you catch a falling star? I suppose he had heard or seen something which had involved catching a falling star.

Two weeks ago was my brother's wedding, which was an absolutely fabulous affair. Daigoro looked handsome beside his father the groomsman and his uncle the groom in the wedding party as the ring bearer. I'm not sure what is quite so adorable about children dressed up in formal wear or uniforms, but it sure is cute.

There's all sorts of other things about Kenshin's progress which I probably should document, but it's all happening so fast it's hard to keep track. I'll have to ask Marli for some input. More later.

Lasts

It's been a while since my last entry, principally because (as much as it pains me to admit it) Kenshin actually hasn't been developing much, speech-wise. It's actually a bit of a concern for us, so much so that we had him evaluated by a developmental specialist to ensure that his lack of development of language skills is the only factor.

Fortunately the specialist indicated he seems to be developing mentally, physically and socially the way that a two-year old should, just that his linguistic development is about a year behind.

On the happier side of things, he has developed a veritable obsession for having books read to him - he will press a book into our hands, listen beaming while we read it, then demand a second, third and fourth reading. It's quite endearing - he will smile and giggle at the book content and look positively radiant with joy.

He is progressing slowly. Besides his early words of "Mom", "Up", "Bye" and "No", he's added "outside" (ow-syyy), "ball" (baaah) "yay" and a few other words to his lexicon. You can see the wheels turning in there. He will spend literally an hour or more positioning and repositioning trains on his Brio-compatible tracks and toys, and laying out the track in various patterns. He's actually figured out polarity on the magnets on the trains, knowing to flip them around when they're repelling each other. He also engages with all manner of buttons and switches at every opportunity. At least once or twice he has managed to turn on, off or otherwise reconfigure equipment that I wouldn't have credited him with being able to figure out.

Daigoro continues to astound me with his ready grasp of difficult concepts and excellent recall of things I've often only spoken to him briefly about. He progresses very well in his drawing and writing skills as well as displaying a well-developed sense of empathy and care.

Marli has weaned Kenshin down to a single morning feeding per day, which brings me to the title of this entry - the idea of a last feeding. Often we note firsts - teeth, walking, word, etc. - but we seldom take note of a "last". Kenshin is very likely our last child and Marli will consequently likely never breast-feed again. At some point in the next three to six months will be the last time that Kenshin will have breast milk, Marli the opportunity to feed Kenshin breast milk, and I to see the two of them share such an intimate and serene moment. Similarly, once Kenshin starts to speak, it will be the last of baby-talk, and eventually the last of the loping, lop-sided toddler run, the utterly unfiltered laughter and soon enough, the last time I'll be able to bundle either of them up in my arms, cradled like an infant.

Last week I took the children to see cherry blossoms in High Park. It is a nation-wide phenomenon in Japan to go sakura hanami (cherry flower-viewing) - besides being an excellent excuse to get sozzled and write maudlin poetry, it has a much deeper sense of bittersweet awareness of the temporary nature of natural beauty. They even have words for it: mono no aware - the poignancy of things. As I watched my pre-schooler and toddler run beneath the gently falling cherry petals, I felt it deeply within my heart that these are moments which will never come again, and yet they are nonetheless happy and beautiful. This, I think, is the deepest wisdom that one can try to grasp - that even though all things will pass and come to dust, there is no need for despair and ennui in the world.

Gleaming petals fall
Dying light of a spring day
Children run, laughing.

Firsts - Writing His Own Name

Yesterday, February 8th, Daigoro wrote his own name in clear, legible letters, in the correct order. As far as Marli and I know, this is a first for him, so we celebrated the occasion with a reward of Kinder Surprise eggs.

Daigoro seemed to think this was a very equitable exchange.

We've also managed to arrange a few playdates with local children of Daigoro's age, which helps to quell some of my latent fears about him having trouble making friends and seeing them regularly. We haven't yet managed to find a female playmate for him - all of his contacts so far have been boys. I'm not going to worry so much about that yet - even at this early age, there are marked differences in how boys and girls play.

I Walk the Line...

Kenshin walked a few faltering steps on this past Tuesday (April 1st), coincidentally the day after I had a dream about him walking (well, in the dream he was more bouncing up and down while standing, but one has to reach when trying to correlate dreams and reality sometimes).

I'm quite excited, as is he. Wednesday he tried to run from the couch to the coffee table which had been pushed about two metres away - he fell on his face, but it was a valiant effort. He's now making regular one or two step walks from one object to another.

Just in time for his first birthday, too!

March "Break" - Day 4, Abridged

Standard Time > Daylight Savings Time has made kids crazy. Schedules all screwed up. Nearly lost it on the boys this morning while juggling late start, incoming phone calls and need to rendezvous with parents at Bruce's Mill Conservation Area for Sugarbush Maple Syrup 40th Anniversary Festival.

Lugged kids around for three hours (with my parents' kind help). Ate pancakes with maple syrup, sampled old-fashioned kettle process maple syrup, ate maple sugar candies, bought maple sugar, mapled the maple maple, then mapled to the maple for maple.

Uhh... where was I? Oh yes. Maple.

Tried out snow shoes, drank cedar tea (surprisingly not terrible), cut out maple leafs in upstairs craft room. Pony ride, then horse-drawn carriage ride. Lots of fun. Really. Just tiring.

Kenshin isn't sleeping well these days - may be teething related. This morning he took a single unsupported step, then immediately sat down. Marli is amused at his "head-shaking game" - his Ray Charles imitation has grown from occasional tic to actual "no" response, but also a game. If you shake your head at him, he will respond in kind, then shake his head to prompt you to imitate him. Very cute. He's climbing up and down stairs like a fiend now.

Some random Daigoro vignettes:

While eating corn and perogies at dinner:

Daigoro: "Mommy, what did we kill?"

Marli: "What? What do you mean?"

Daigoro: "What did we kill to get the corn?"

Another, separate occasion - ordering a shamrock shake (yay!) at McDonald's:

Kozure: "One medium shamrock shake, please."

Take out cashier: "That will be three fourteen, please. Second window."

Kozure: "Thanks!"

Daigoro: (pause) "Daddy, that lady sounds like a robot."

One very heart warming bedtime last week:

Daigoro: "Daddy?"

Kozure: "Yes, Daigoro?"

Daigoro: "You're the best daddy in the whole world."

[I didn't make that one up, I swear!]

My parents kindly purchased a season's pass for our family this past Christmas, so we headed to the Toronto Zoo this past Tuesday as well. FROG-ZIBITZ special March break event in honour of the Chinese Calendar Year of the Frog. Frogatorium. 'Nuff said.

Very, very tired now. Stopping with the blogging.

A Smorgasbord of Events

Well, the last month and a half have been a whirlwind of activity and development. We found a new house here in Toronto after a fairly in-depth search. Daigoro and Kenshin were very patient as we trucked them around from house to house. Daigoro would often ask if there were "guys" (kids) or toys in each house as we went in, as one of the earlier houses we toured had toys on display in one room.

We're happy with our find, which should give us a lot more elbow room in the long term. It's close to schools, parks and shops, as well as being not too far from where we are currently, so many of the social contacts we've already made in the area won't have to be dropped. I'm also pleased that it's actually closer to our current United Church, so we'll be able to stay on with the congregation there without a long commute each Sunday. The commute will be shorter for Marli and only a few minutes longer by bike (and shorter by transit) for me, so it's a great find.

Based on the way we're bursting at the seams in our little two-bedroom apartment currently, moving day couldn't come a day sooner.

Kenshin is more mobile in his cruising and occasionally stands without support, though still nowhere near as rapidly as Daigoro seemed to progress. In the past two weeks, he's been increasingly hyperactive (in the non-clinical sense) which has been a little bit of a strain for Marli and me. Some of his increased awake time and night-time feeding may be due to yet another pair of teeth coming in, the first of which poked through his gum this morning. Kenshin's current favourite toy is a Curious George jack-in-the-box which he received as a gift from his aunt this past Christmas; it absolutely entrances him when it plays. He generally shows a markedly higher interest in music and rhythm than Daigoro ever did; Daigoro is not uninterested in music, but it's not his first love.

Daigoro swings between being a really resilient and well-behaved kid to a whiny little so-and-so, with the decent majority of it being good rather than bad. I suppose that's entirely normal for a kid his age, but I can see how some parents start to lose their cool about now. I have a comparatively short fuse when it comes to whiny-ness, whether it be children or adults. I tend to think I'm a fairly patient guy otherwise, so it's difficult for me to find myself blowing my top at times. His hand-eye coordination development continues to impress me, just last week he drew a pretty credible version of a whale which had a striking (but coincidental, in my opinion) resemblance to West Coast aboriginal art depictions of whales. I'm pleased that he's showing an interest in art.

Starting last Tuesday (February 19th), he's been running a streak where he hasn't pooped in his diapers while he was awake. He's been quite motivated by the reward of being able to wear special "Cars"-themed pull-up diapers if he tells us that he has to go potty in time (and subsequently goes). Seems the reward/carrot motivator has trumped basic training methods this time.

We're continuing our now three month tradition of going to my parents' house on Thursday and swimming at a local community centre for about forty-five minutes to an hour. Both kids seem to enjoy it a lot (so long as the wading pool is warm) and Daigoro in particular has advanced a long way towards being more confident in the water.

More to follow... I've just run out of steam on this entry for now.

It Begins...

Well, Kenshin decided to try to stand unsupported the day before yesterday (Thursday, January 10th). I imagine he'll be trying to walk in the next month to two months.

Fortunately by this point, he's already been cruising and pulling himself up for a while now, so most dangerous things at the 45cm - 90cm range have already been found and made safe. (lower lying threats already been found and removed) There's an interesting period as the baby grows where the bubble (Venn diagram) of dangerous interaction expands and contracts.

For example, when a baby is newborn, it can't really move or roll over, so aside from compensating for gravity or accidental turnovers, you can basically leave them on any (non-spiky, non-flamey, etc) flat surface. Not that we did, but in a pinch you could, if you needed to. When the baby learns to roll-over, the danger bubble expands to include rolling off said flat surface. When baby learns to sit up, there is initially a mild danger to placing baby on a hardwood floor or similar surface for fear of baby toppling and bonking its head on an unyielding substance, but eventually the chances of topplage are very low and that danger contracts. Around the same time, however, the babe figures out how to drag things down from higher levels, and you have to worry about tablecloths, extension cords, pots of boiling water and the like.

When crawling begins, you of course have things like edges and stairways to worry about, but also the objects you might have previously left on the floor thinking they were not likely to be interacted with. Similarly, even stationary objects (like hot water radiators) that you don't place them anywhere near suddenly enter into play.

When cruising starts, objects on low surfaces (sofa tops, coffee tables, etc) become fair game for baby. Now, with unsupported standing and walking on the horizon... well, the sky's the limit.

One who has been reading this blog up to this point will probably have figured out that although we take reasonable precautions against childhood trauma, I'm not a parent who is paranoid about safety and injury. I know of and have heard of parents who take what I feel are such restrictive precautions so as not to place their child in any chance of danger at all - they don't let the child climb in the playground, all toys are super-safe, foods are finely minced... etc. etc... I suppose my position is that, like so many other aspects of life, you have to find the right balance.

It's during these periods of transition, however, that you do have to be more vigilant than usual. Things that have since become almost zero-level threats for Daigoro (like choking hazards or electrical outlets) became dangerous again as Kenshin reached an age where he could interact with them again.

In other news, I had a great time with Daigoro on Thursday swimming at a indoor public pool near my parents' house; he seemed to have terrific fun. A stand-out happier memory for me in what has generally been a happy childhood thus far.

Catching Up - Wounds, Teeth and Sitting Up

A busy few weeks combined with a temporary memory lapse about my blogger password has made me extremely behind on my chronicling.

So, in short order... Kenshin cut his first tooth a few weeks ago on October 20th, a "primary right maxillary central incisor", if I have my dental terminology right. Baby teeth, like baby fingernails, are surprisingly sharp.

Kenshin has started sitting up on his own around the same time and has already progressed to trying to pulling himself up on furniture and convenient objects.

Two weeks ago, on October 30th, Daigoro took advantage of a lapse in my monitoring during a drop-in centre visit to climb up on a chair back and fall. He bashed his head on the edge of a wooden stage, resulting in a fairly bloody forehead gash. We bundled him quickly into the kitchen to staunch the bleeding, by applying direct pressure and calming him down. He cried initially but calmed down quickly, keeping a brave face through much of the experience. The centre caregivers insisted on calling an ambulance but we got to the hospital (St. Joseph's) fairly quickly on their own after declining the ambulance ride (they did bandage up his head fairly well).

A forty minute wait and three stitches later, Daigoro was taken care of. All things considered, Daigoro received pretty good care, though I was a little surprised to have a very young-looking intern doctor take care of the procedure. He was frightened but with some firm enveloping in a bedsheet and a nurse, a parent and a doctor to hold him while the sutures were put in, he made it through. Aside from my wife's two home births, this was one of the hardest (momentary) experiences to deal with in my life - it's one thing to deal with your own pain, it's quite another to watch a loved one in pain and being unable to ease it.

Wagging Tongues

This past weekend (August 25-26), Kenshin has started to babble. He's previously been making noises; cooing and gurgling and squawking, but hasn't been stringing them together into a sequence of connected sounds. Now he's "bah-bah-bah"-ing and "goo-goo-goo"-ing with the best of them.

It was funny to observe him work up to this level. On Wednesday and Thursday of last week, I noticed that he was working his jaw open and shut in a sort of silent version of babbling - not making any noise. At the time I commented to Marli that it'd be funny to just overdub a video of him with some sort of voice track.

Then, after three days or so of this, he connected the idea of opening and closing his mouth with making sound at the same time and voilà, he had made the leap to babbling.

At the same time, in the past three weeks while we were on vacation and the week since, he's steadily improved his ability to push up and roll over, to the point that we have to be careful of putting him down on couches and chairs without a healthy padding of pillows to prevent him rolling off and onto the floor.

He's developed a cute habit which will probably pass quite quickly; he occasionally sticks his tongue (a tiny, pointed red-pink flag tip) out one side of his mouth or the other. It's almost too cute, but the fact that he's doing it without prompting or self-consciousness keeps it from slipping into the saccharine.

On the Daigoro front, he's still testing the limits of saying no to various commands, suggestions or requests. It can be wearisome at times, to say the least, and I feel for Marli for having to deal with him all day long. Fortunately these episodes are not so frequent as to make dealing with him a constant chore.

We've been able to "upgrade" his sleeping arrangements into a small cot without much fuss. He rolls about quite a bit at night, so we didn't want to put him into a full size bed yet for fear of the dreaded "thunk" in the middle of the night (as has happened once or twice when he's been left to sleep in full-size beds. Marli made the observation (and I agree) that it's curious that Daigoro hasn't formed strong attachments to single objects or routines. He doesn't really have a favourite toy or stuffed animal; he didn't protest at all when we stopped putting him in the crib and started him sleeping in the cot; he doesn't seem to bat an eye when our routine is shifted slightly or we do something out of the ordinary. In one sense I am grateful, in another I wonder if there is something to the idea of children having strong attachments. I guess he would make a good Buddhist. Well, in this one sense, anyway.

While on vacation, my in-laws made helpful suggestions about higher levels of discipline and obedience. Though I feel we've made a good effort along these lines, I admit that we can do better. In the larger spectrum, I know that Daigoro is actually quite a bit better in terms of obedience and temper tantrums than many children, but it's easy to bristle at correction from elders, even if meant with the best of intentions. So, I think Marli and I will be working a little harder on the concept of obedience with Daigoro over the next few months. My in-laws certainly have valuable experience on the subject.

Our efforts at potty training are so far met with sporadic success. He's managed to let us know on a few occasions now, but his successes are far fewer than his accidents. Nothing to worry about yet, of course; just unfortunate that he hasn't gotten the knack of yet, considering how well he seems to catch onto other activities.

Daigoro's dietary preferences have narrowed to an even thinner range of carbs and sweets, a development which does not please us. There are nights when he eats quite well, on many others he is getting a less than optimal balance. We are spending some time and discipline on this - future health depends a lot on his learned habits now.

The stresses of childcare continue to put strains on the time Marli and I spend together. Fortunately we are learning to adapt both our activities and our expectations and I am thankful for a partner who is willing to discuss issues before they become deep-rooted problems.

We took the children to visit my sister this weekend - she lives in a very nice apartment building with a penthouse level swimming pool. Both Daigoro and Kenshin seemed to enjoy their time in the water, though Daigoro is still reluctant about floating and kicking, preferring instead to be passed from one adult to another.

There are a number of stories from our vacation on Manitoulin Island that I should also relate, many of them very fond memories, but I should sign off for now and save them for another entry.

Little Milestones

I suspect that anyone who has attempted to keep a blog has discovered that one of the main difficulties is disciplining oneself to post regularly. A large part of that difficulty in posting is finding time, but another component is the dilemna of posting something which you know will "fill space" but will be uninspired, vs. posting something which requires time and craft but will be an interesting read.

Since the intent of this blog is foremost as a "chronicle", a few posts here will fall solidly into the category of "record-keeping" rather than a more concentrated effort on being "literary" (whatever that means). This will be one such post.

Last week (the week of May 20th) and the week previous, Kenshin has steadily been smiling more often and for longer periods. It's still not intentional, but a wonderful moment as a parent of a newborn/infant (my wife informs me the changeover from newborn to infant is six weeks - that milestone was crossed on the 21st) is when you see your newborn, who has previously seemed somewhat alien and distant, begin exhibit emotions which can be indentified as friendly or loving (even though they probably aren't really intended yet). A big gummy smile is more of a reaction and imitative expression at this point, but it does wonders for nerves frayed by serving a newborn who otherwise seems only to frown, cry, fuss and stare blankly. In fairness, looking around with interest also is a big part of his emotive range, but apparent actual happiness is a different thing altogether.

Kenshin occasionally giggles in his sleep (I haven't yet seen him do it while awake) which is a delight to watch, or, if you have the fortune of holding him at the time, to feel.

Daigoro has been somewhat moody at times lately - I suspect as his emotions and self-identity develop he is beginning to have feelings which are difficult for him to understand and control. The inevitable "gimmee!" has shown up in his vocabulary, of course attended by the vehement "mine!". He's still very pleasant in general. One of his favourite shows appears to be "Mighty Machines" a Canadian-made television show featuring construction and demolition vehicles doing their thing around sites in Canada.

Last Friday (May 25), while out with Daigoro at the park (Marli was resting at home with Kenshin), I met a couple around our age (maybe a little older) with a 3-year old son. They seemed to get along very well and happily played with a soccer ball, chasing each other about. The boy's mother mentioned that their young son was a little shy and would benefit from playing with other children outdoors, suggesting we come around again in the future. We have since, but the boy is ill at the moment; hopefully once he recovers he will feel up to playing with Daigoro.

Daigoro is approaching the age where he should start to develop friends, or at least "playmates". I was glad to make this point of contact for him.

This past Monday after work I hauled my bike out of winter storage and tuned it up (cleaning the frame, checking lines, tire pressure, cleaning and re-lubing the chain). Daigoro was enthusiastic about "helping daddy fix the bike", so we had a nice bonding moment in the early evening. Tightening pedals, washing rims and rinsing the frame in the burnished gold light, I reflected on this moment of peace and was thankful.

Kenshin is at a cute stage where he is testing the mobility and control of his limbs. Occasionally while laying on his back his arms and legs will flail madly about. The expressions on his face are of concentration and interest, not alarm, so I can only assume he is enjoying himself. It's somewhat amusing to watch a baby work his arms and legs in this way.

The "stork bite" (a reddish, blotchy skin mark) on Kenshin's brow just over the bridge of his nose has almost completely faded.

Twinkletoes

Sometimes I have brief moments when I mentally hear Bill Cosby imitating his father:

"What's wrong with that boy?"

... or, to use a more recent pop culture reference, Hank Hill from "King of the Hill":

"That boy ain't right."

My son likes to mince about. I'm not exaggeratering. He walks about on his tip-toes, taking little half or quarter steps. Sometimes he'll even hold his little hands out to the sides like a ballet dancer. It's almost a textbook definition of mincing. You know Fred Flintstone's bowling technique? Yeah, that.

I'm not a homophobe. I'll love my son without regard to his eventual sexual orientation. It reflects somewhat on North American society, I think, when even a relatively socially liberal and progressive thinking male like I imagine myself to be even thinks about worrying about how his 21-month old son is comporting himself, body-language wise, and how this might relate to future dating habits. I even laugh inwardly when I consider writing about it now, but there you have it; heterosexual men are weird that way (partially for reasons which are explained later in this post).

Daigoro has probably picked up the habit from a rule in his daycare provider's household that the children (there are five) aren't supposed to run indoors. I imagine this is how they skirt around the "not running rule" while still expressing excitement and the appearance of running quickly. (Daigoro obeys the letter of the law, if not the spirit, in this case - as usual) The bouncing, rapid step of his mincing can seem just like running, except abbreviated. I can only guess that it's developed in daycare, since he never seemed to do it beforehand; one can never be sure.

When he's not "mincing", he walks normally of course, but he also has an exaggerated bow-legged walk from time to time, splaying his feet out to double or triple their normal spacing, so that he looks like he's trying to straddle a horse, or at least a Shetland pony. Do I worry about him growing up to be a cowboy? Eating pudding? On Brokeback Mountain?

To be completely honest, his mincing little runs are pretty darn cute. He's almost always excited when he does so, often accompanying his walk with little squeaks and squeals of enthusiasm about whatever it is he's interested in the moment (the cat, a doll, trucks, trains, bathtime, a bowl of cereal, what have you).

When I was in grade school and high school 15-20 years ago, aside from the usual cut-ups and curse words, a very common (altogether too common, I'm afraid) insult was to call someone a "fag" or a "faggot". It was often used jokingly, of course, but to call someone a "fag" and really mean it was meant as a pretty harsh insult. I didn't use the term myself - my parents were very strict about cursing and insults based in intolerance of any sort, and I adopted a similar policy when very young. Unfortunately, listening to teenagers today, it seems not to have diminished in usage. If anything, it seems to be more common.

It's sad, really, to observe a toddler's way of walking about that is purely an expression of joy and excitement and to layer baggage-laden ideas about sexual identity and masculinity onto it. Daigoro is having fun and walk/running in a way that he finds enjoyable. It's ridiculous to apply any sort of value judgement to that behaviour. Is homophobia so ingrained in our society that even social liberals have little pangs at the sight of their son playing with dolls or mincing about?

Short answer is: yes. Now what do I, as a parent, do about it?

I'm doing everything that I can think of to avoid imposing gender roles on Daigoro - I encourage him to be gentle with dolls, I don't flip out when I see him imitating mom while she's putting on make-up, I let him mince to his heart's content.

Yet, entirely without conscious encouragement from me or Marli, he seems to love hockey, trucks, trains, cars, explosions and running into things and knocking them over - classic "guy" things if ever there were some.

One of these centuries, humankind will wake up collectively and realize that all of these barriers we put up, these identities we forge and then so tenaciously defend, are important in one sense - our self-image - but also arbitrary - that men should be able to dance with their hands above their heads if they want to without having to wear pink triangles, and women should be able to wear a crew cut without hearing jokes about comfortable shoes.

Until then, little twinkletoes is mincing about the house. It's probably good for his calves, which will definitely come in handy in rugby.