Out of the Mouth of Parents

There are some combinations of words and concepts in the English language that one simply does not expect to use in one's lifetime.

For example:

"Please stop stabbing me with that slice of bread."

Yet, in the wonderful world of proto-toddlerhood, such fantastical amalgams are not only likely, they are downright practical.

I suppose it may come as no surprise to people experienced with children that, having no societal norms to draw upon, a toddler will do things which are somewhat unexpected - such as poking one's parent repeatedly with a otherwise innocuous slice of whole grain goodness. Hence the phrase, "Please stop stabbing me with that slice of bread."

Nonetheless, hearing such lines actually spoken often takes me somewhat aback.

Other off-the-cuff statements inspired by Daigoro's antics:

"The kitty's poop is not for playing with."

"Why is your airplane kissing the baby doll?"

"Please don't use daddy's groin as a springboard."

Toddler motivation often has its own internal logic. Poking someone with bread is funny, it was at hand, and didn't get the same sort of negative response as he would if were poking mommy with something harder or more sharp. The kitty litter box is dark, mysterious and resembles to some degree a playground sandbox. If inanimate baby dolls can be hugged and kissed, why not inanimate model airplanes? Why shouldn't they express affection for each other? As for jumping on daddy's groin, well, he tends to jump all over other parts of my body, the groin just is more sensitive, right?

"Apple juice does not improve the flavour of your peas."